Dr. Visit, Reality, and Healing Yourself!

On Thursday June 10, 2010 I had my regular doctor's appointment. He was evaluating my blood work results that we do approximately every 3 months or so. This was my first time with the physician seeing how I had no major problems, I would normally see the practitioner every time but she is no longer working in this office.

Finally, the blood work results had revealed that the Niaspan I was taking had lowered my triglycerides and raised my good cholesterol (HDL) and lowered the bad cholesterol (LDL), Hooray! We are moving in the right direction. However, my physician does an in depth blood test that is called a VAP panel. This panel breaks down the cholesterol into particles. Large particles, which are what you want your LDL made up of and smaller more dense particles, which is what you do not want your LDL made up of. Well as fate would have it my LDL is mostly made up of the smaller more dense particles. The ones you do not want to have. This showed my physician that my cholesterol problems are mostly all hereditary and not dietary. Seeing how I do have a family history of heart disease this outcome is very disturbing.

As my Dr. and I spoke he informed me that the only way I can reverse the results of the VAP panel and shift my small dense LDL particles into the more fluffy large particles would be to do intense aerobic activity for 30 minutes 4 times a week. Did I mention I dislike exercise?

Now, I realize all these years I have placed exercise in the category of loosing weight. Something I feel is a chore and not fun at all. But, I do realize that the Dr. is now telling me that I have a choice to make. I can exercise as he suggests and reverse and even cure the chance of me getting heart disease and dying prematurely, or I can do nothing and continue as I am and increase my chances of dying early. This however is my choice to make, nobody but me!

I decided to bite the bullet and start the exercise routine of intense aerobics for 30 minutes 4 days a week. The doctor said that my choices of exercise could be running, jogging, swimming, bicycling, spinning, or using an epiliptical machine. I do have a bad knee and have despised running or jogging only because I cannot physically do it. I hate to sweat! I hate to feel fat and my blubber bouncing up and down while doing strenuous exercise. I do have a pool but the cold temperatures would keep me from being able to swim 30 minutes non stop and my bicycle is at camp so I am left to use my treadmill!

Friday morning June 11, 2010, I have decided to get on my treadmill after my darling daughter leaves for her final exams at school. Being an avid walker I figured it wouldn't be that hard to squeak out 30 minutes of jogging at a controlled pace. Heck I can walk forever without any difficulties this shouldn't be hard at all. So, I venture downstairs to my basement in my sports bra, exercise clothes and sneakers. With my trusty bottle of water and my book to look at on the treadmill how hard could this be? I placed my water in the cup holder, place my book in the area provided and started the treadmill at a pace just faster than a walk. All gung-ho that this is going to be simple and I am going to be able to show my dr. that I could do this. After all I have until September to prove to my physician that I can heal myself.

The treadmill starts and I am all excited that I can heal myself! I am 2 minutes into my 30 minute routine and I think I am going to DIE! I can hear myself saying what are you crazy? You’re not going to be able to make 30 minutes doing this! You’re going to have a heart attack! The first 15 minutes were pure torture! I could not think of anything but negative thoughts. All I kept doing to myself was beating myself up and putting myself down for the first 15 minutes. I then realized I was not helping myself at all and I was making it harder than it had to be. Why? All because I hated exercise and despised sweating!

Holding on to the treadmill for dear life all I could hear was my torturous whining! Here I am a grown woman of 44 years old whining! How pathetic! I realized what I was doing to myself and decided to turn this uncomfortable painful situation into a more positive one, at least I thought I could. I started saying I like this, I like this, I like this, I can do this, I can do this I can do this! By the time I got to the last 10 minutes I found myself counting down until I reached the 30 minute marker!

At last 30 minutes of sweating torturous jogging is over! I made it! I succeeded, even though I wanted to quit 3 minutes in. I had accomplished something I had kept telling myself that I couldn’t. Victory was in my hand! The best thing was that I had made the choice to start healing myself even if my ego kept telling me I couldn’t do it. I had learned to dismiss the negative ego for the 30 minutes! Tired, sweaty, and a little sore, yes sore, I had accomplished what my mind and my body had told me was impossible.

My darling daughter came home from school after her final exams, I proceeded to tell her about my days experience jogging on the treadmill. All she could do was laugh at the thought of me hanging on to the treadmill for dear life saying "I like this, I like this, I can do this, I can do this. I guess she knows me well enough to be able to visualize my heroic efforts.

I am feeling great about my accomplishment! I know it was only 30 minutes, and I know it was just a speed higher than walking, but for me it was a marathon! I won the marathon! I actually had put all my negativity and whining away and made a choice that I followed through with, A choice that will heal my body and mind and will help me live a longer, healthier and happy life.

I am not saying it was easy, I realize that I have to do this the rest of my life. I am however proud of myself :)