Keeping myself motivated to continue!

It has been two weeks worth of intense aerobic activity for me. Now, what I mean is it has been intense for me not for you. It might be just considered a light workout for some but for me it has been 30 plus minutes of keeping a high heart rate in order to reverse my LDL small dense particles into the larger fluffy particles. Keeping motivated is a key factor for me to be able to continue focusing on my health issues. Support is a must! When people around you do not support you it takes much more for us to be able to dig down deep inside to find the encouragement to keep yourself going. It isn't easy; as a matter of fact it is just plan hard! Especially if you really are not a big fan of working out.

Lucky for me I have a daughter, son, and husband that keep encouraging me to continue progressing!

This morning when I got up my dear husband said after he did his 20 mile ride on his bicycle that he would come back and get me and we could do the same route we did last week. I decided that I wouldn't make him do double duty and I would run instead. I asked my dear daughter if she was up for a run but, it is Saturday and she really wanted to sleep in. How easy it would have been for me to just sit back and relax stay in the camp and not run. Heck, who would know! Dear daughter was sleeping and dear husband was gone for over an hour. The thought did cross my mind; however I kept remembering the Dr's word's. "It is your choice"! It is also my health and if I don't take care of it certainly nobody else would do it. So, with that thought and those words echoing in my head. I put the sensor in my running sneakers, laced them up tight, put my arm band on, put my hair up in a ponytail and placed a hat on my head. All the time hoping no one would notice me and how awful I looked! Believe it or not it took a great deal of encouragement to be seen in public looking like I did this morning. I figured it might make me run faster if I was trying to hide my appearance from everyone! LOL!

I ventured out on the road for a 30 minute run. The nice thing about camp is all the roads up here are mostly flat, unlike home where all the roads are hilly. I prayed as I started that I could do it alone. Five minutes into my run and I started breathing really hard. I could hear that ego voice start with its little remarks like:

You’re not going to be able to do this alone!

What are you thinking!

How could a woman of your age think she could do this?

Blah.....Blah.....Blah.....! Why can't I just turn those annoying thoughts off? I wish there was a simple button to change all those negative thoughts into positive ones. Unfortunately for most of us there isn't a push button. We have to know how to change those thoughts around. Finally I was able to keep focused on the matter at hand and continue to run with slowing down and walking every once in a while. This is a must for me to be able to catch my breath and pick up my run again. Someday I will be able to make it the whole 30 minutes in a run, but for now it is a work in progress.

Proud of myself and how well I was doing I looked at my sports band to see how much longer I would need to get to the 30 minutes I needed. I saw I only had 6 more minutes! Hooray!!!! I went down this little road near the Harbor that had more camping sites. I saw an elderly woman and her husband sitting in lawn chairs in front of their camp. The lady yelled to me Keep Running!!!! I replied, "I think I feel too old to be doing this"! Well, now they had at least 30 years on me and I could hear the woman say OLD Nah! This is one of those times where I didn't think before I spoke. I really think I shouldn't have said I was old! This woman was probably thinking to herself if she is old then what am I? As I turned around by the Harbor and started to head back to my camp I passed the woman and her husband again. This time she said to me, "You look like you’re about to Keel over, I don't think you’re going to make it"! UGH! I guess I had that coming and I am sure it was not a pretty picture with the seat pouring off of me and the heavy labored breathing I was doing! Gee, did she have to say that? I turned and said, "Oh, I will make it!" And guess what? I made it!!! Actually I think my pace picked up after she said that and I was going to prove her wrong, and I did :) Good for me another run down and I did it on the road by myself!

Second week into my running and I am still here!!!!!

Well, I made it through the first and second weeks! I have been running on the treadmill for most of my workouts and while at camp I hopped on my bicycle for a great workout with hubby :)! I am still whining and complaining but it is getting less and less. I no longer hurt anymore like I did in the beginning.

Last week during my workout I tried to overcome all of those nasty demeaning voices of my ego that kept telling me I couldn't do it, I am too old, I have a bad knee, etc.......! I realize that I allow all those voices to defeat me and I succumb to their nasty comments and start to believe them. It is still a work in progress but now I can see the ego for what it is. I will not let those thoughts enter during my workout. I have to look at it like I am meditating. When I first started to meditate those thoughts filled my head and I had a hard time clearing my mind and meditating. Now I can control my thoughts and slip into a beautiful peaceful meditation. Well, I have to treat running the same way. I have to learn a way to clear my mind so I can slip into a very peaceful run with no chatter. I started thinking back to when I was pregnant and in Lamaze classes. They taught you to focus on a point across the room and breathe. I could do that while running on the treadmill so I started to incorporate that process into my workout. I could find myself counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7..... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.....1,2,3,4,5,6,7.....over and over until I forgot that I was running. I realized that it was working! I found myself needing to hold on to the rail less and less. I also found myself able to run without wanting to close my eyes to pretend I was somewhere else. Finally making some progress I am starting to feel good about aerobic activity. Don't get me wrong, it is still not something I love to do but it is something that I have to do for my health. Remember, I am the girl that started whining 3 minutes into my first run and hung on to the treadmill for dear life closing my eyes wishing it would go away!

While at camp over the weekend I needed to continue working out. I do not have a treadmill at camp but I do have my bicycle. Every weekend my husband rides 25 miles on one of the weekend days. I am still new to all this and I knew I wouldn't be able to ride his route with him. On Sunday he asked me if I would like to ride a 5 mile route with him. I did this once last year so I knew I could make it. We left on the route and he kept track of our time. I let him go first so I would have something to keep up with. Knowing myself all to well I would cheat and slow down if I was left to lead. With him in front I had to keep up with him and I did. My heart was pounding and my cheek muscles were burning but by the time we reached camp we had completed 5 miles in less than 40 minutes! Hooray for me!

The beginning of my second week started on Monday morning. I got up and got on the treadmill first thing. I realized how much my ankles were hurting and how tired my legs were while running on the treadmill. My walking sneakers just were too heavy to run in. My darling daughter and I went shopping looking for running sneakers so I could continue running. We went to Dick's Sporting goods and found so many sneakers to choose from. That morning on the today show Hoda Kotb talked about how much her knees hurt while she ran until she purchased her Asics sneakers. I found the Asics at Dick's but I found something a little more interesting called Nike+. These sneakers have a sensor that records your workout for you. It tells you how many miles you ran, how long it took you, how many minute mile, (your fastest and your slowest). I fell in love with the newest sneaker and purchase myself a pair with the sensor and the armband. I also got my darling daughter a pair so she can run with me. Seeing how she has an i-pod she didn't need the armband only the sensor. The ipod, ipod touch and iphone will track your progress as you go. There is also an online sight you can join for free plug your armband into the usb port and it will download your data and help keep track of your progress and calories you burn. This is AWESOME!!!! It is a great thing to keep me on track.

I found myself Tuesday, Wednesday and today having great workouts minding it less and less. Today was my best run so far almost reaching 3 miles in 30 minutes. I looked down at my armband around 26 minutes into my workout to peak at my progress and I had forgot to push the button to run and my awesome workout wasn't recorded!!!! Figures! That is technology for you. At least I knew what I did and how awesome it was it just wasn't going to show on my nikeplus.com. Well kudos to me for making it through 2 weeks!!!! I only have the rest of my life to go :)

If your interested in learning more about the Nike+ follow the link to http://www.nikeplus.com/

Dr. Visit, Reality, and Healing Yourself!

On Thursday June 10, 2010 I had my regular doctor's appointment. He was evaluating my blood work results that we do approximately every 3 months or so. This was my first time with the physician seeing how I had no major problems, I would normally see the practitioner every time but she is no longer working in this office.

Finally, the blood work results had revealed that the Niaspan I was taking had lowered my triglycerides and raised my good cholesterol (HDL) and lowered the bad cholesterol (LDL), Hooray! We are moving in the right direction. However, my physician does an in depth blood test that is called a VAP panel. This panel breaks down the cholesterol into particles. Large particles, which are what you want your LDL made up of and smaller more dense particles, which is what you do not want your LDL made up of. Well as fate would have it my LDL is mostly made up of the smaller more dense particles. The ones you do not want to have. This showed my physician that my cholesterol problems are mostly all hereditary and not dietary. Seeing how I do have a family history of heart disease this outcome is very disturbing.

As my Dr. and I spoke he informed me that the only way I can reverse the results of the VAP panel and shift my small dense LDL particles into the more fluffy large particles would be to do intense aerobic activity for 30 minutes 4 times a week. Did I mention I dislike exercise?

Now, I realize all these years I have placed exercise in the category of loosing weight. Something I feel is a chore and not fun at all. But, I do realize that the Dr. is now telling me that I have a choice to make. I can exercise as he suggests and reverse and even cure the chance of me getting heart disease and dying prematurely, or I can do nothing and continue as I am and increase my chances of dying early. This however is my choice to make, nobody but me!

I decided to bite the bullet and start the exercise routine of intense aerobics for 30 minutes 4 days a week. The doctor said that my choices of exercise could be running, jogging, swimming, bicycling, spinning, or using an epiliptical machine. I do have a bad knee and have despised running or jogging only because I cannot physically do it. I hate to sweat! I hate to feel fat and my blubber bouncing up and down while doing strenuous exercise. I do have a pool but the cold temperatures would keep me from being able to swim 30 minutes non stop and my bicycle is at camp so I am left to use my treadmill!

Friday morning June 11, 2010, I have decided to get on my treadmill after my darling daughter leaves for her final exams at school. Being an avid walker I figured it wouldn't be that hard to squeak out 30 minutes of jogging at a controlled pace. Heck I can walk forever without any difficulties this shouldn't be hard at all. So, I venture downstairs to my basement in my sports bra, exercise clothes and sneakers. With my trusty bottle of water and my book to look at on the treadmill how hard could this be? I placed my water in the cup holder, place my book in the area provided and started the treadmill at a pace just faster than a walk. All gung-ho that this is going to be simple and I am going to be able to show my dr. that I could do this. After all I have until September to prove to my physician that I can heal myself.

The treadmill starts and I am all excited that I can heal myself! I am 2 minutes into my 30 minute routine and I think I am going to DIE! I can hear myself saying what are you crazy? You’re not going to be able to make 30 minutes doing this! You’re going to have a heart attack! The first 15 minutes were pure torture! I could not think of anything but negative thoughts. All I kept doing to myself was beating myself up and putting myself down for the first 15 minutes. I then realized I was not helping myself at all and I was making it harder than it had to be. Why? All because I hated exercise and despised sweating!

Holding on to the treadmill for dear life all I could hear was my torturous whining! Here I am a grown woman of 44 years old whining! How pathetic! I realized what I was doing to myself and decided to turn this uncomfortable painful situation into a more positive one, at least I thought I could. I started saying I like this, I like this, I like this, I can do this, I can do this I can do this! By the time I got to the last 10 minutes I found myself counting down until I reached the 30 minute marker!

At last 30 minutes of sweating torturous jogging is over! I made it! I succeeded, even though I wanted to quit 3 minutes in. I had accomplished something I had kept telling myself that I couldn’t. Victory was in my hand! The best thing was that I had made the choice to start healing myself even if my ego kept telling me I couldn’t do it. I had learned to dismiss the negative ego for the 30 minutes! Tired, sweaty, and a little sore, yes sore, I had accomplished what my mind and my body had told me was impossible.

My darling daughter came home from school after her final exams, I proceeded to tell her about my days experience jogging on the treadmill. All she could do was laugh at the thought of me hanging on to the treadmill for dear life saying "I like this, I like this, I can do this, I can do this. I guess she knows me well enough to be able to visualize my heroic efforts.

I am feeling great about my accomplishment! I know it was only 30 minutes, and I know it was just a speed higher than walking, but for me it was a marathon! I won the marathon! I actually had put all my negativity and whining away and made a choice that I followed through with, A choice that will heal my body and mind and will help me live a longer, healthier and happy life.

I am not saying it was easy, I realize that I have to do this the rest of my life. I am however proud of myself :)

Where does the time go?

Even though time is an illusion, doesn't it seem like we never have enough of it?

Where does the time go? Do you know? How do you stop time or at least slow it down?

I would love to hear your theory on this age old delimma.

If you haven't noticed I haven't posted on my blog since March. Why? I am not sure. I just know that sometimes time runs out. Maybe I just didn't alot enough time to stop in and post my thoughts. Maybe I filled that time with something else. Do you find this happening to you? Tell me your thoughts